warning: complex mindset

no matter what i say. no matter how i put up a front. i can’t help but let it take control of how i feel. my friends have always been the world to me. they’ve been my support when things went wrong. and when shit happens, i can’t help but let it eat me whole.

we’ve had our fair share of fights and arguments and yes, i will admit that many of them were because of my own fault and stupidity. but you have always showed that you cared for me when everyone didn’t. you understood me when everyone else didn’t. you listened to me cry and told me that things are going to be okay. you were like my best friend. and now that we aren’t talking, again. i don’t know how I’m suppose to feel like time. i’m leaving soon and i at least wish that you could put this behind us so i can leave happily knowing that we are okay now. 

but let’s be real. when you really don’t want to talk to me, you won’t. i’m just like a needle in your eye. you didn’t care back then about my condition when we first fought, so why would me moving phase you now? 

I’m scared to lose you over something like this.

Reblogged from jennaelisha

jennaelisha:

Hate this waiting game. I just have so much to say, but I can’t. What do you do? :/

all these pictures and posts about mother’s day makes me really sad that i can’t even be with my mom on mother’s day. i called earlier but she never picked up. she only answered to my email..sigh. 

afterwards i called jade’s mommy to wish her a happy mother’s day. we caught up a bit and then i wished all the other mother’s i knew a happy mother’s day. at least i got responses for those..

rough morning. don’t really feel like talking about it much. and went to church. then  went to sang’s house to hang out with twin n her mom. i’m glad twin at least got to see her mom on mother’s day. our lives are kinda so similar its scary. but of course i got that warmth feeling. the feeling of a family. just hanging out and talking and eating. something i never get to do with my own “family.” 

twin n i then went to thieu nhi. bought the kids popsicles and just hung out with everyone for a bit. got to talk to my sponsor. i’m glad that she at least asked me what was wrong and i got to talk it out. now i’m home..gunna watch girl with the dragon tattoo in a bit!

lawlhellen replied to your photo: you want in on this? (Taken with instagram)

yes! how do i get in on this? (:

MARGAUXBONNIE.COM type in “etsyfam” for a discount!

took my lucky#7 to his confirmation final interview today. came over to his house an hour before to help him review and study. baby brother had it in the bag! the only question he didn’t know..i forgot to quiz him on..oops! 8.5/10, good job victor! 

afterwards headed back to his house to grab my phone that i left there. called twinnie to punk her..hehe. had her going for a few minutes, but we both know there was no way our little brother was going to fail, not if i could help it at least :D went out for some celebratory boba and just hung out really. it’s been awhile since i’ve gotten to just talk to my kids. sure i see them and we hang out and what not but it’s been awhile since i actually got to talk to any of them..i think I’m going to bring that up soon…

we talked about driving, and cars (ironically-me and the boy candidates..cars! always) about teaching him how to drive about how i taught twin and other other half how to drive. driving schools. expensive crap. and then when we got back to his house we just parked and kept talking. eventually we played the logo game..i helped him get to level 8 (:

and even thought it was like 40 minutes of playing that game. it kinds felt really good to just hang out with him after all that talking (plus stina/angela/quan never let me play) we just sat inside my car in the driveway..

i’m sure he had fun. i haven’t seen him that happy in awhile. he really did just let go and let God.

JESS,
he really has matured so much, you have no idea the way he answered his interview questions. the way he’s changed. the way he just lets God take care of everything, trusting in him. i am SO PROUD of him and i know that you will too when you come home to see him<3 

sometime’s i doubt myself if i’m ever being a good enough sponsor. i often pick at my faults and find that i’m not good enough. not good enough for these kids. to help them on their life journey. i often have a hard enough time with my own life and questions my faithfulness to God sometimes. but i guess these kids see otherwise.

i’m honored that you all have asked me to be your sponsor. i really truly am blessed to be asked to be a part of your life and to be the one that guides you on your spiritual journeys. and for you to be bravely enough to want to be stuck with me for the rest of your lives. i promise to always do my best whenever you need me. i will ALWAYS make time for you. i know i don’t get to speak to you all as often as i wish, but please know that i would be there for you all in a heartbeat. 

welcome to the family little brother, i love you victor<3